this is real life

Original Work Friday: More

I’m not the girl I used to be;

stronger in some ways,

weaker in others.

Old cracks have been repaired

while new ones split wide open.

The past has an impact,

it filters through time;

there is no escape

but I decide how to handle it,

to let it influence or ignore.

The future is now,

no time like the present

to become who I want to be

and to stay who I am,

to know my own worth.

I will still make mistakes,

I will still stumble and second-guess,

but I am in charge of my fate

and I have learned from before.

I am more than I was.

katME

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Forgive & Forget…or Not

forgive not forgetI’ve been having an internal debate lately. Is it better to forgive and forget or will those who truly need your forgiveness never be forgotten?

Sometimes the past comes back to haunt you. Sometimes someone you think has walked away for good makes a sudden reappearance. There’s never a good time for this to happen, let’s be honest and get that out of the way now. Normally, this will happen at two possible times: when you are very happy or when you are very low.

For me, it happens to be a low point. I’m dealing with lots of stress from school, being away from my family for the holidays, living further than ever from home, and just general frustration with life.

I suppose there is a lot to be said for forgiving someone who has wronged you and then proceeding to forget about them. But if you forget about them isn’t that sort of like pretending what they did never happened? On the other side of that, does the wound continue to fester if you forgive but don’t forget?

I think that if you can forgive and then proceed to put it behind you without ever forgetting what the person did f and f happinessbut trying not to dwell on it and let it color everything else in your life, then you’re doing okay. And that’s what I had been doing.

Forgiving wasn’t easy and moving on was even more difficult. But you hit the point, the wall, where you just can’t take it anymore, where the person has hurt you so bad or so many times that it becomes hard to look at them, let alone interact with them in any significant way.

So when they inevitably come waltzing back into your life in one way or another, what is proper protocol for dealing with that? Is it easier to tell them you forgive them but don’t want them in your life? Or if you’ve truly forgiven, should you allow them another chance?

What if they’ve already had a bunch of chances but they kept destroying you every time you held out a hand to them? Is it okay to tell them they are forgiven but no longer have a place in your life? Or is that petty?forgiveness

Those closest to us are often the best equipped to cut us the deepest, hurt us for the longest, and turn our emotions back on to ourselves. Which brings me to the second point: if you’ve forgiven the other person, does that also mean you’ve forgiven yourself?

In my case, this person had several opportunities granted to them and I practically fell over myself to offer those every single time. And every single time, without fail, the person turned on me, made me feel guilty, that it was my “fault” for ruining things and became a source of anguish, anger, and tears. So I put my foot down and after the last time, over a year ago, decided that I didn’t want to deal with it anymore, that I knew I deserved better than what I was getting. Which is now pretty much shot to hell.

I’m the type of person that is loyal to a fault (one of my best and worst qualities), even to the point where I am getting kicked like a dog. I have a hard time letting go of people I care about, regardless of how they hurt me. But I felt something break the last time and now I don’t know if it can be fixed. This person tells me it will be different, but haven’t we all heard that time and time again? How can you ever know if that’s the actual truth? How can you trust someone who didn’t have the decency to not treat you that way in the first place?

Forgive and forget. Forgive but not forget. I’m still not sure where I fall. Probably more on the latter side. Not to hold a grudge but to remember the pain and use it to make myself stronger. To build back up the walls I let fall time and time again.

Can you move on when the past keep pulling you back? I’m not sure. Sometimes it feels like I have elastics glued to the back of my shoes. I keep walking forward and they keep stretching out. Eventually they will either break or yank me back. I don’t know which I’m hoping for at this point.

The Truth About Capitalism

A friend of mine recently posted this article and after reading it, plus some of the redirected articles embedded within, I am simply floored.

With joy and awe, that is.

Our nation is in crisis mode, and now, more than ever, we need people willing to stand up and say things like “Our country is rapidly becoming less a capitalist society and more a feudal society. Unless our policies change dramatically, the middle class will disappear, and we will be back to late 18th-century France. Before the revolution.” Nick Hanauer, an ultra-rich capitalist, is the man who wrote that.

Finally, there is someone on the other side of the fence that is getting the right idea and putting it out for the public to see!! Hanauer goes on to talk about how the conversation about raising the federal minimum wage and the declining middle class shouldn’t be about injustice or pity but it should be about regaining what this country stands for: equality. And no, this isn’t a plea for redistributing the wealth but rather one to restore the balance of power.

“That is why investments in the middle class work. And tax breaks for rich people like us don’t. Balancing the power of workers and billionaires by raising the minimum wage isn’t bad for capitalism. It’s an indispensable tool smart capitalists use to make capitalism stable and sustainable. And no one has a bigger stake in that than zillionaires like us.”

Hanauer discusses trickle-down economics and how ineffective it is for allowing sustainable capitalism growth. The gap between the the upper and lower classes is rising and not shrinking and the policy writers in Washington don’t seem to grasp that workers and consumers are the same people. Higher paid workers have more disposable income to spend which in turn grows businesses. True, some small businesses might suffer at first under the higher overhead of a larger minimum wage, but the end result would be happier, more productive workers that can spend more as consumers. 

The article also addresses the constant cry of “supply and demand” and what it really means in real-world economics. A rich man doesn’t need more things than a poor one. They both require the basic necessities. And while the rich man might buy a wider assortment of products but no significant depth in any one category. Do you know where the rest of their money goes after all the purchases and investments? The bank. Same as anyone else’s. And do you know what it does there? Nothing. It sits and perhaps gains interest. But do you know what it’s definitely not doing? It’s not being put back into the economy. They already have all the shirts and pants and pillows and furniture they need.They already bought their car and their vacation home. So the rest of those millions that they earned? They sit, unspent, wasting space.

Read the article embedded at the top of this post. And definitely leave comments or reblog if it speaks to you in any way, positive or negative.

What I’m reading

What I'm reading

As you know, I love to read more than one book at a time. But I think I may have gone a little overboard at the library this weekend!
On the bright side, I’ve almost achieved the halfway point of my goal to read 100 books this year. I have one more to hit 50 and one day to go to accomplish this.
Wish me luck!

Top pick right now: Illusion
Top new find: Six-gun Tarot